Indecent Proposal

Chapter 94 - Indecent Proposal


Remus sat in Grimmauld Place, reading a long scroll of parchment. He was feeling a little down. His transformation had come over him night before last, and even with Padfoot by his side, the wolf had taken its toll. Remus nibbled on a piece of chocolate, and sighed. He shoved the parchment away, and stared unseeingly across the kitchen. Even the weather reflected his feelings, with a chilly grey sky and heavy rain. Sniffling a little, Remus wondered if he should go take a nap.

But before he could stand, the kitchen door opened and Sirius walked in, smiling. "Morning, love." He came up behind Remus and kissed his neck softly. "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Remus turned to face his lover. "What is it?"

To his utter shock, Sirius reached into his robes and pulled out a small box, dropping to one knee as he did so. He opened the box to reveal a lovely, glittering ring. "Remus... will you marry me?"

All the depressing thoughts blew away in an instant. Remus' heart leapt for joy, tears filling his eyes. "Oh - oh Siri!" He broke down as Sirius smiled up at him. "Yes! Yes! Of course I'll marry you!"

Sirius slipped the ring on Remus' finger. It was a bit tight, but Remus was too happy to notice. He flung his arms around Sirius' neck, kissing him passionately. "Oh Siri-! I've been waiting so long...."

"I love you, Remus," Sirius whispered.

"Oh Siri... I love you too..." Remus beamed, looking at his ring. 'But -"

"But what?" Sirius looked worried.

"My ring. It's too tight," Remus said, trying to twist it off. "It hurts."

"Oh, I'm sorry....." Sirius helped Remus pull it off. "I must've, uh, picked the wrong size."

"But Siri... you know my ring size." Remus stared at him. "You memorized it in sixth year."

"Um, oh - sorry, Remus - I probably forgot when I was in Azkaban..."

"You wouldn't forget." Remus' eyes narrowed. "And you haven't called me 'Remmie'. Not once."

"Er - Remmy-"

"You spelled it wrong!" Remus shrieked, jumping up from Sirius' lap. "You're not Sirius!!!!"

"Remus -"

"What underwear am I wearing?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"Er - boxers?"

"NO!" Remus screamed, backing away. "You watched me put on the pink panties you like! YOU ARE NOT SIRI!"

At that moment the kitchen door swung open again, and another Sirius entered, rubbing his head. "Somebody hit me on the head and stuffed me in Buckbeak's room," he complained.

"Siri!" Remus ran to him, sobbing. "Is that really you?"

"Of course it is, Remmie. What's -" Sirius saw the other Sirius, and scowled. "Tonks. Knock it off."

Remus gaped in horror as the extra Sirius transformed back into the familiar pink-haired form of Tonks. "Shit. Almost had him."

"The day you marry my boyfriend is the day I gut myself," Sirius growled. "Get another hobby, will you?"

"I... I kissed Tonks," Remus whispered. "I... I.... have... I have... COOTIES!"

And he passed out.

Adventures Of Pigwidgeon

Chapter 93 -Adventures of Pigwidgeon


Ron patted Pigwidgeon on the head. “Don’t screw up, okay?” he said to the tiny owl. “Make sure this gets to Mum in good shape.”

Pigwidgeon hooted importantly. Ron carried him over to the window and let him go. He watched as the owl fluttered away in a wavering line. “I wonder what happens to him on his journeys,” he said to himself, watching Pig until he became a dot on the horizon.

After leaving the Hogwarts grounds, Pig made his way over the rocky terrain and grassy fields of Scotland, more or less making his way in the direction of Ottery St. Catchpole. He flew rather like Woodstock in the Snoopy cartoons; that is, he sometimes flew backwards or upside-down, always on a shaky course. If he had been a cartoon, a dotted line would have marked his progress through the air.

Around nightfall, Pig heard a strange array of sounds. A woman's sobbing echoed over the crackle of flames. As Pig drew closer, he saw that the woman's house was on fire! The woman was sobbing into her hands. "My baby! My baby!"

Pigwidgeon carefully placed Ron's letter in a tree, and fluttered down to the flaming house. He swooped in through the window, carefully avoiding the flames. He heard the baby crying and followed the sound into the nursery. Demostrating strength no one had ever expected of him, Pig grasped the back of the baby's shirt and lifted him out the window, into his mother's arms.

"My baby! Oh, thank you, little owl!" the lady cried happily.

Pig hooted and retrieved Ron's letter, then continued on his lopsided way. He fluttered along all night, and finally stopped to rest. Then he heard a soft cheeping. A baby bird had fallen out of a nest! Carefully, Pig swooped down to the baby bird and reassured it with gentle hoots. He then picked up the baby bird in his talons, carefully, and carried him back to his nest. The baby bird chirped excitedly, happy to be back with its siblings. Pig hooted and flew off.

Soon he was flying over London. He heard a shriek. "Help! My purse!"

A robber was running away, clutching an old lady's handbag. Hooting loudly, Pig shot out of the sky and into the robber's face, attacking with claws and beak, his wings fluttering in the robber's face.

"Blimey! Stupid - what the-" the robber swatted at Pig furiously, swearing. He dropped the lady's bag, but didn't notice until the old lady started beating him about the head with it, screaming. Pig disengaged himself from the fight as several bobbies joined in, swinging their clubs at the robber.

"Thank you, little owl!" the old lady called after him.

Finally, Pig fluttered down on the sill of the Burrow's kitchen window. He hooted. After a few minutes, Mrs. Weasley appeared and retrieved the letter Pig bore. It had gotten a little crumpled and dirty in the fight with the robber, and Mrs. Weasley sighed.

"Honestly, Pigwidgeon.... you're getting just as bad as Errol these days."